Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
