why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
