Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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