I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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