k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
