listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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