When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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