Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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