Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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