just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
