Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
