Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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