Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
