How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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