Sry I called you an 8
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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