Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
