Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
