can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Holy sore nipples Batman
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize