Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
