so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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