I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
