Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
