i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
