just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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