I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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