Old men and throwing up are my life now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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