I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
