How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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