I think im going to throw up on grandma
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
