I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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