last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
