he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
