New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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