Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
