i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
