No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
