we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
