He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
