she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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