This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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