Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
