I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
