i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
