Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We left the knife in your bed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
