Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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