Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
