You just made me feel so damn special
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
