Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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