These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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