I'm drive I can fine osifer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
