we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
