She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
