My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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