I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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