It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
