Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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