Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
