i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
