This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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