she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize