I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
