Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
