i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we made out on top of his cat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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