Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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