i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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