I don't usually arrange sex via text message
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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