Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
