what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
