Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
