We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
