12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
