Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
