Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize