really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
