1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize