I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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