yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
