Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
