I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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