Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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