Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize