why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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