I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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