addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
