I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
