the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
