Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
