either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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