i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
