my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
