Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
