you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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