dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
worst night to have a conscience
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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