He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
